Take It Out On Me
by sweetkiwi604
Summary: It's the people who can see through all of your bullshit that you care about the most. Merle/OC. Mature readers only.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I don't own anything having to do with the Walking Dead only Becca belongs to me.**

**Based off of the song 'Take It Out On Me' by Florida Georgia Line and you can thank lunastars for opening my eyes to Merle Dixon ;) **

**Mature readers only please! I apologize now for any mistakes but I wanted to post this before I went to sleep.**

**Any suggestions/comments/critiques are all welcome!**

Take It Out On Me

"Merle Dixon?" Amy questioned while we were sitting down by the lake scrubbing as much dirt and grime from our clothes as possible.

I shrugged and continued to work on the shirt in my hands being careful not to tear any of the buttons off on the washboard. "It's not what you think."

Andrea snorted as she let her jeans flops back into her bucket, "Oh, please do fill us in because I don't know why anyone would marry that racist-" I cut her off with a raised eyebrow and she put her hands up in surrender. "I just don't get it is all, none of us do, you're nothing like him. You're too good to be a Dixon."

_No, actually, I'm not good __**enough**__ to be a Dixon_, I thought dejectedly.

***Flashback***

_It was the fourth time that month that Rich and I had gotten into an argument so bad that it left me in tears. We had been up half the night screaming and yelling and to be honest I couldn't even tell you what we were fighting about this time. It was always something though; bills, housework, or simply looking at one another the wrong way._

"_Go on, Becca, run away like you always do!" Rich hollered after me as I grabbed my car keys and stormed out of the house at eleven o'clock at night. The anger that was coursing through my body made my blood boil and if I didn't get out of there I would have ended up doing something I would have regretted._

_I knew where I was going to go, it was the same place I always went after we fought. It was the one place in this whole pathetic town that I could go and clear my mind no matter what time of day or night it was. I parked my car next to his motorcycle, thankful his brother's truck was no where to be seen, and walked right in the front door of the trailer not bothering to knock. God knows he wouldn't have answered if I did and I needed this. I needed my release._

_Merle came walking out of the kitchen with a beer in his hand and a sloppy grin on his face clearly high on whatever the drug of choice was that week. The door slammed closed behind me on its own accord and I tossed my car keys onto the table that was littered with trash. My hands shook with rage and my lip trembled trying desperately to keep the tears at bay._

_He knew what was coming next, he knew how to take care of me in a way that no other man, no other person, knew how to. We both understood that if I let my temper go in the way I wanted to I would end up behind bars, again. My father in-law didn't care who started it or who said what he would have the cuffs around my wrists without a second of hesitation. Being arrested wasn't what scared me it was not being able to see him if I was locked away in some jail cell. Merle took one last swig of his beer finishing it off and tossed it towards the trash can not caring if it actually made it in or not. _

"_Take it out on me," he opened his arms. _

_I took no time in crossing the room and he let me shove him up against the wall with everything I had. I never worried about hurting him, he could take it, but if I didn't let it out somehow I'd implode. Merle never once tried to talk me off the ledge or comfort me with sympathetic words he let his actions do the talking. I dug my finger nails into his bare upper arms to stop my hands from shaking as my lips crashed onto his with such force you could almost hear the impact. _

_No time was wasted as we tore at each other's clothes we knew this was going to be anything but slow and sensual. He slid his hand between my legs and circled his middle finger over my clit for a few seconds making my knees tremble in anticipation. I stroked his penis with my left hand getting him hard as quick as possible which didn't take long while I used my right to keep myself standing. When he pinched my clit the instant sensation between pain and pleasure took me over the edge and I all but scaled the wall so I could get my legs around him._

_A chuckle escaped his lips, "Easy, sugar."_

"_Merle," I growled as I raked my finger nails down his back to the point he'd have visible marks the next day._

_He effortlessly lifted me off the ground and held onto my bare ass as I wrapped my legs around him. He walked us over to the worn couch and he sat down so I was straddling him. Merle Dixon was a forced to be reckoned with but at this very moment he let me take the control I so desperately craved. I shifted my hips and gasped as he entered me further than I thought was possible. _

_My hands held onto his broad shoulders and I rocked forward arching my back. His hands found the way to my breasts and he roughly massaged them before tweaking my nipples shooting the same pain/pleasure sensation through me again. I took in a shuddering breath as I felt myself dripping with ecstasy and any angered thought I had went out the window as his finger found my clit._

"_Oh…shit…" I cursed and I felt his chest rumble with pride under my hands. "Fuck, Dixon." He removed his hand and I couldn't help the whimper that escaped my lips. "Don't stop! What're you doing?!" I nearly cried out._

_Instead of returning his finger to my twitching clit he pinched my nipples again. "Scream for me, girlie."_

_There was no going back now and I bounced up and down on him as quickly as humanly possible, my whole body trembling from the eruption that was building deep inside of me, "Shit, I'm going to…oh, God…"_

"_Louder," he demanded reaching a hand back and smacking my ass as hard as he could._

_That last bit of pain put me over the edge and I screamed out his name as my pussy tightened around his dick causing him to spill his seed deep within me. I sat on top of him and tried to catch my breath until I knew I could stand without falling over. My heart and mind had a huge internal debate just like they did after every time we did this but there was no doubt about it, I had to go home._

_I found my underwear kicked under the coffee table and tugged them on before going in search of my bra that had landed on top of the small television. _

"_What was it this time, Bec?" he asked as I pulled my shirt back over my head._

_I shook my head and searched for my car keys among the trash, "Does it matter?"_

_He buckled his belt and patted his pockets looking for a pack of cigarettes, "I'm tellin' ya, Bec, he'd look much better without his front teeth and a broken nose."_

"_Don't you dare," I warned and ran my hands through my hair a few times in hopes of making it look somewhat normal. "I love him…he's just-"_

_The front door opened and I froze for a brief second until I saw it was only Daryl. I sighed in relief that he hadn't walked in a few minutes earlier but the youngest Dixon was anything but stupid. "Bad night?"_

"_I've got to go," I plastered on the smile I'd be wearing for the rest of the day and patted Daryl's arm as I passed him._

"_Bec!" Merle stopped me when I hand my hand on the door knob. "You think about what I said!"_

_Daryl glanced between us with a confused expression on his face but I couldn't get the words to come out so I left._

***Present***

I glanced down at my left hand before I started scrubbing the shirt against the board again. "Like I said, it's not what you think. You wouldn't understand." He came out of the woods with his brother trailing after him and I added silently, _you'll never understand him_.

My only regret was never taking Merle up on his offer because even after I refused to leave my husband and nearly got bitten as Rich turned into a walker he made sure I was in the truck with him and his brother on the way to Atlanta. He walked a little taller when I was around and one of these days I was going to let him take it out on me instead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I don't own anything having to do with the Walking Dead only Becca belongs to me.**

**So I don't know how many chapters this will end up being but a HUGE thank you to Alva Starr for suggesting there was more and that maybe it was time for Merle to take it out on Becca instead ;)**

**If there is anything in particular you'd like to see whether it's from their past or a certain part of the show let me know and I'll see what I can come up with.**

**Any suggestions/comments/critiques are all welcome!**

Chapter 2

I was sitting in front of a small fire over by our tents boiling water from the lake so it could be used for drinking when Daryl sat down across from me. He slung the string of squirrels he had caught up onto the log and started to skin them. It was hard to keep the look of disgust off my face, it wasn't that I didn't appreciate the meat, but I'd rather eat it and not see it while it still had a face.

My gaze was glued to the bottom of the pot almost willing the bubbles to rise to the top when Daryl spoke up, "He's getting low on his stash."

It was only a matter of time until the powders and pills were gone, the middle of the apocalypse wasn't the best time to go score some more, and I had been worried about this day since this whole thing started. There had been a few sporadic periods of time in the past when Merle would be clean for awhile but something always pulled him back in. I hated to admit it but those were the months I loved the most. He was able to think clearly, we'd be able to have an educated conversation, and our time together between the sheets held more feeling.

"Watch yourself," Daryl warned and I nodded so he knew I had heard him. It wouldn't be the first time I experienced the eldest Dixon go through withdrawal but it would be the first time I wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

Daryl was only watching out for me, and I would forever be grateful, but what he didn't know was that his brother had been doing the same thing for some time now.

***Flashback***

_It was a random Tuesday night in our small town and my mom had just passed out after drinking her fill of boxed wine. When I was sure she wouldn't wake I snuck out the front door and walked down to the Dixon's trailer. A peek in the window to see the living room trashed told me their father had been in one of his moods that night. I had been hoping Mr. Dixon wasn't home so I could hangout with Merle but I guess it was going to be another lonely night._

_I had just started to walk away from the house when I heard a twig snap. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I spun around scanning the dark trees next to the trailer. _

"_Who's there?" I asked in a loud whisper with fear evident in my voice and to be honest I wasn't sure if I wanted the answer. When no reply came I reached down slowly and grabbed a large stick. With the stick held out in front of me like a baseball bat I crept closer to woods. "Hello?" I couldn't hear anymore noises but I felt a presence and as I jumped around the tree ready to bash whatever it was over the head a hand jutted out and took hold of the stick. I had to blink a few times to adjust my eyes to the darkness but when they did I let out a sigh of relief. "Fuck, Daryl, an answer would have been nice you scared the shit out of me."_

_It wasn't until I saw the split lip that I realized why he was out here in the first place. My mom may have been a drunk but she wasn't as bad as the Dixon's father. Hell, everyone in town knew to stay away from Mr. Dixon especially if he had a bottle of liquor in hand._

"_Merle's down by the creek," he told me as he used the back of his hand to wipe away some of the blood from his face. I unwrapped the bandanna from my wrist that I used to hide my own scars and offered it to him but he shook his head. I tied it back around my wrist and was about to head to the creek when he stopped me. "Becca," I turned to look at him and he held the stick out to me. "In case you run across a squirrel."_

"_Ha ha," I mocked but took the stick from his hands anyways, you could never be too careful._

_I should have known Merle would be down by the creek, it was the one place in town he could go to get away from everyone, because there was a good chance if he went to the bar like he wanted he would run into his father. By the time I got down there he was sitting on a large boulder skipping stones into the shallow water._

"_You need a flat rock, jackass," I chided, making my presence known. He grunted in response and I pulled myself up so I could sit next to him. "Saw Daryl…"_

"_Told that boy to stay in the woods 'til the ol' man passes out," he grumbled, picking up another stone and chucking it into the water._

"_He is," I assured and motioned to the stick that was now lying at the base of the boulder. "I almost whipped him with a tree branch."_

_The corner of Merle's lip curled into a small smirk, "That I would have liked to see." We sat in silence for a few moments just enjoying the peace the night sky brought. "What're you doin' out here, sugar?"_

"_I was lookin' for you," I admitted as I leaned over and rested my head on his shoulder. He didn't put his arm around me, or comfort me in anyway, but he didn't make me move either. I saw him pull out a prescription bottle and pop a few pills into his mouth that he dry swallowed. "What was that?"_

"_What do you care?" He replied with a coldness in his tone that should have scared me away. "Everyone relies on ol' Merle so these," he shook the bottle, "are what ol' Merle relies on."_

"_Can I have some?" I held my hand out because if it was good enough for him it was good enough for me._

_He scoffed and shoved them back into his pants pocket, "You deserve better, girlie."_

"_Merle, don't be a douche-" I started argue as I reached for his pants pocket but he stopped me by roughly grabbing my chin and smashing our lips together._

_When he let go I was too shocked to say or do anything but watch as he got off the boulder and started to walk away. "You're too good, Becca."_

_I ran my fingers over the fresh scars under my bandana, _no Merle, I'm not good enough_._

***Present***

My memory was cut short as the water rapidly boiled in the pot and I used an old shirt to move it to the ground where it could cool so I could bottle it later. Merle came out of the woods and threw the pheasants he had killed over to Daryl to clean. The youngest Dixon glared up at his brother for a moment but otherwise made no comment about the extra work. Merle walked into the tent and I offered Daryl a small apologetic smile for his brother's actions only to receive a shake of the head in response.

After a few minutes in the tent Merle came out with a scowl on his face. I got up hoping that if I could get him back in the tent and get his mind on something other than the drugs he was out of that I could prevent an unnecessary scene. Shane, a cop and the unofficial leader of our group, had come to me on many occasions warning me to keep my husband in line. I sweet talked him as much as possible, the years of being with Rich perfected my lying, and promised he'd be no trouble. I never corrected Shane, or the rest of the group, when they thought I was a Dixon. They just saw the ring, saw me with him, and assumed. I didn't have it in me to explain that I was too weak of a person to walk away from my husband to be with the man that had always been there for me.

"Everything alright?" I asked as I came up in front of Merle and put my hand on his chest. I could feel the anger rolling off of him in suffocating waves and felt his chest rise and fall with each calculated breath like a volcano just waiting to erupt. When he didn't answer my question I tried again to get through to him and laced my fingers through his. "C'mon, let's go down to the quarry and I can wash you up."

The moment the words left my tongue I regretted them. I meant it as an invitation for some fun in the water and a way for him to release some tension but the ticking time bomb that he was took it as if I pitied him.

"What's the matter, girlie?" he questioned with a grin on his face that I had seen only once before. When I didn't answer quick enough he chuckled and tightly wrapped his fingers around my bare arm, "Let's go for a walk."

Daryl met my gaze as we passed him and I slightly shook my head telling him to not interfere. I'd take whatever the eldest Dixon had to throw at me because at this point it was better than nothing at all. We walked into the woods, his hand never letting up on the death grip on my arm, until we were far enough from camp that no one could hear us.

"Think you can fix me like I'm some damaged goods, is that it?" he questioned as he released my arm and I stumbled a bit but caught myself before I fell. "Think that you can swoop in like some angel and clean away all the evil I've done?"

"I didn't-" I tried to answer him but was cut off as the air got knocked out of me as he threw me up against a large tree.

"Good, sweet, innocent Becca," his breath on the side on my neck brought goose bumps to my skin. He roughly grabbed both of my wrists and held them over my head with one hand. "This is what you want isn't it? Comin' 'round to my place a few nights a week 'cause your husband didn't know how to hit the spots ol' Merle does."

I wasn't sure how to answer and before I had the chance to think of to say anything his mouth was on mine in fierce kisses that were sure to leave my lips bruised and puffy. His right hand grouped my chest while his left easily kept my hands pinned to the tree. He popped the button on my jeans and shoved them down so they fell to my ankles. The fabric of my underwear cut into my skin as he yanked them forward until they ripped at the seams. He spun me around and shoved me up against the tree as he entered me from behind with no warning. I couldn't help the whimper that escaped as he pounded into me taking out his frustration and anger with the world on my body like it was a rag doll.

His short fingernails dug into my hips and it wasn't long until my legs started to tremble. I may not have been the sex I was expecting, or looking for, but as my orgasm got closer I couldn't help but moan.

"Louder," he growled in my ear leaving no room for argument.

My breaths came out in pants and when I vocalized just was he was doing to me I couldn't hold back anymore and my pussy tightened around his cock. It wasn't until he shot his load deep within me that he let me go. I turned around and a look of peace finally swept through his eyes. He readjusted himself and zipped his pants as I pulled mine back up. I was fixing my shirt when I felt his fingers grazing over my cheek that had been cut open from the bark.

"I'm fine, Merle," I replied honestly as I saw the remorse in his eyes that he'd never admit to.

He stepped back from me like my skin had shocked him and he ran a hand over his face. "Bec, I…"

I had seen every side there was to see of Merle Dixon and not one of them would ever leave me running for the hills. I walked over to him and stood on the tips of my toes to place a chaste kiss on the corner of his lips. "It's okay."

_You can't break me_, I added silently, _I'm already broken._


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: I don't own anything having to do with the Walking Dead only Becca belongs to me.**

**Got a request for more flashbacks and some protective Merle which turned out a lot harder than I expected but I hope you like what I've come up with.**

**Any suggestions/comments/critiques are all welcome!**

Chapter 3

Just because I didn't know how to hunt like Merle and Daryl didn't mean I should get stuck picking berries like a fucking housewife. I understood we all needed to do our part to survive in this little hell hole of a camp but there were some that got held to different standards. I had been denied going into the city with Glenn on a supply run something along the lines of he worked better by himself. I didn't mind scrubbing our clothes down in the quarry because it meant getting some peace and quiet for awhile but there was only so much laundry one could do.

I knew better than to ask Merle if I could go with him when he went hunting but I had gotten to the point where I needed to do something. I even resorted to begging Daryl if I could go with him but wasn't surprised at his answer. So, here I was picking stupid berries. Not that I really knew which ones would be good for eating but I got a small satisfaction out of picturing some members of the group losing the ability to move if they ate a poisonous one.

I got so lost in my daydream of seeing Lori paralyzed on one side of her body and not being able to go fuck the deputy that I had stopped paying attention to where I was walking and stepped in a hole that was covered with leaves. The bucket of berries went flying as I put my hands out trying to brace myself for the impact. It all happened so fast I barely had time to think before my face collided with a tree stump.

Karma was an unforgiving bitch. I rolled onto my back with a groan and laid there for a minute before picking myself up. Gently running my fingers over my face I was happy to see that I hadn't cut it open but knew it would be a beautiful mess in the morning. Seeing that the sun was starting to set I gathered up the scattered berries and headed back to camp. At least Merle and Daryl wouldn't be back until tomorrow and with the dark of night starting to set in no one would see my face.

***Flashback***

"_Hey, Bec…Becca!" An annoying voice came from behind me but I continued on my way ignoring him until there was a hand wrapped around my arm spinning me to face him. "Hey, I'm talking to you."_

_I ripped my arm from his grasp and took a deep breath in through my nose before letting it out through my mouth slowly trying to keep my temper in check. "What do you want, Keith?"_

"_You haven't come around in awhile," his hungry brown eyes scanned me from head to toe. _

_I slightly shrugged already bored with the conversation, "Been busy."_

"_We had fun together," he shifted himself in his pants and I had to fight to keep the disgust off my face. "We should do it again sometime."_

_I couldn't help myself and a bitter laugh escaped. "Fun? Shit, Keith, I can get myself off quicker with my fingers than you'd ever be able to."_

_He took a calculated step forward, any amusement completely gone from his features. "You been with someone else?"_

_I mirrored his movements and took a step back, "We're not together. Never were. You were just someone to warm my bed on a cold night and you did a piss poor job at it. You have no claim on me I can go out and fuck any guy I want."_

"_Yeah? That include Merle Dixon?" his voice was laced with disgust and it was getting even harder to keep my temper under control. "Heard you were sweet on him and that you two were dating."_

_The Dixons got a bad name from their sleazy drunk father and the fact that their mother had passed a few years back from passing out with a lit cigarette. They each had their own rumors circulating about them as individuals as well though. According to the rumor mill, Merle had spent time in juvy for killing some guy with a baseball bat and Daryl walked around with a scowl on his face all the time because no one would ever love him. Of course I was one of the few people that actually knew the truth. Merle did go to juvy for a little while but it was for getting caught breaking and entering after he was already running a thin line with the cops in town. Daryl did walk around with a scowl on his face but it was because everyone in a small town whispered as you walked by and he didn't want to hear it. They would always be my Dixons though and I wouldn't want them any other way. I accepted them for who they were and they were the only two guys in this whole pathetic town that saw past the makeup._

_I took another deep breath, "Merle doesn't really date."_

"_You must be one of his whores then guess he is following in his daddy's footsteps. Going and getting so drunk that any old piece of ass will do. That's all you'd ever be to him," he took another step closer until I could feel his breath on the side of my neck. "You are nothing but an easy trick."_

_With my hands on his chest I pushed him as hard as I could causing him to stumble back a few steps. When he regained his balance a wave of fury washed over him and he backhanded me. Any thought of keeping my temper under wraps went out the window as punches were thrown. He had a good hundred pounds on me and within a few minutes he had me pinned._

"_You taste that?" he sneered as he shoved my face into the ground with such force it was almost hard to breathe. "Even that dirt is better than a Dixon."_

***Present***

The next morning the pounding in my head was the least of my worries as I heard a commotion outside of the tent. It wasn't until I heard the malice behind Merle's words that I hurried out of the tent. I nearly ran into Daryl's back from him standing right in front of the door like some damn bouncer. I didn't even get a second to question what was going before Merle had Shane pinned to a tree.

"Never had much use for cops before," he spat into his face. "To protect and to serve, bunch of bullshit if you ask me." He released Shane for a quick second only to slam him back against the tree. "Last chance."

***Flashback***

"_Damn it, Becca, open the door!" Merle knocked again and I thought about waiting him out but if his mind was set on something there really was no changing it. "Don't play me for a fool I can hear your shitty music."_

_I opened the door and let him and Daryl inside, "Don't hate on the music, asshole."_

"_Yeah, well-" he started to say something but stopped, his whole body going stiff as he clenched his jaw. "What the fuck happened to your face?!"_

_I tried to laugh it off, "C'mon that's kind of rude. Have you seen your ugly mug?" He took my chin in his hand and turned my head to the side to get a better look._

"_Just my temper, Dixon, nothing to worry about. Some bitch was running her mouth so I shut her up with my fist."_

_His thumb glided over my cheek and I couldn't help but wince. "Who was it?"_

"_No one important," I tried to move away from him but he kept a firm but gentle grasp on my chin._

"_Never seen you get this fucked up from some cat fight before."_

_Daryl cleared his throat as he stood off to the side, leaning against the wall with his legs crossed at his ankles. "Saw you talking to Keith today."_

"_Keith?" Merle questioned with a growl. "He did this?!"_

"_Merle, I-" was all I got out as he kissed my bruise cheek and strode out of my trailer with determination and hate etched into his features._

***Present***

There were multiple gasps and a few whispers as I walked over to the small group that had formed. Merle glanced over at me but it only fueled his anger as he punched Shane in the jaw. I knew how bad things were about to get if anyone let it continue so I attempted to get Merle to let go of him.

"Hey, nothing happened," I spoke only to Merle, trying to get him to look me directly in the eye so he would know I was telling the truth. He always had a way of looking through the bullshit to see who I really was. "I fell yesterday when I was out in the woods." He hadn't moved to hit him again but he hadn't glanced at me yet either. "Merle, look. I'm fine. If we had ice it wouldn't be as bad as it is. My face isn't made of glass you know that."

After a few moments of silence his gaze finally fixated on me and his grip on Shane loosened enough that he could scurry away. He stormed past our tent and into the woods while everyone else turned their attention to Shane who was trying to stop the bleeding from his nose.

"You need to keep a better leash on your dog," Shane spat a mouthful of blood on the ground.

Lori was next to him in a second with one of her tank tops held against his face. The whispers throughout the group were too much like our hometown and I would have got lost in them if it wasn't for the youngest Dixon nudging me back toward the tent.

I took the hint and walked back into our tent to see Merle sitting on his cot with his head in his hands. I crawled behind him and rested my cheek against his back. "I'm sorry."

He was silent and at first I didn't think he was going to answer at all. I didn't expect him to. He shifted on the cot and I moved so I could see his face but he kept his gaze on his boots. "It wasn't Shane."

"What?" I asked, interlacing our fingers together and was genuinely surprised when he didn't move away.

He swallowed hard, his eyes lost in some other time besides here with me. "It started with Josh." I froze at the mention of my brother's name but didn't have long to dwell on it until he continued. "Then it was Keith and then Rich." He pulled his hand away from mine and rose to his feet, his back to me. "Nothin' I do keeps you safe. Sometimes I think you'd have been better off if you didn't hang around me."

"Fuck, Merle, you know…you know…" I couldn't finish it. I couldn't let those three little words roll off of my tongue. I wanted to tell him, I wanted him to know that he had always been my first choice, and that I made a mistake marrying Rich. It didn't matter what my heart felt; loving a Dixon came with consequences. He waited for me to finish my thought but I couldn't. How could anyone like him ever love someone like me?

"Know what?" he questioned, turning to look me in the eye.

"Never mind."


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: I don't own anything having to do with the Walking Dead only Becca belongs to me.**

**I never update this quickly but **_**someone**_** sent me some inspires and well…this happened. Continuing right from where I left off in the last chapter. For those who have been waiting for it here is another mature one for you! Hope you enjoy! I apologize for any mistakes I wanted to post this before bed.**

**Any suggestions/comments/critiques are all welcome!**

Chapter 4

"Never mind."

Merle's gaze never once faltered as he stared me down. "I know what?"

"Nothing," I mumbled as I got off the cot and tried to walk out of the tent but he wrapped his fingers around my arm and kept me in place. I tried to rip my arm from his grasp but it was useless. "Damn it, Merle, knock it off."

His fingers tightened for a brief second before letting my arm go. "Should have left when you had the chance."

***Flashback***

_The note to our mom was written, bags packed, and money saved up. My older brother, Josh, had wanted to leave the second he started high school. He didn't exactly fit in with the other boys in town. He didn't listen to the right kind of music, wear the same clothes, or even talk the same. Josh was seven years older than me so we weren't the closest of siblings. Our mother was working a swing shift down at the old factory so the time wouldn't be more perfect to leave. I did one more sweep of my bedroom to make sure I had everything and reluctantly threw my backpack over my shoulders. _

"_Oh c'mon, Rebecca, wipe that look off your face," Josh sighed as he taped the note he had written to the box of wine so our mother would see it. "You want to stay here and end up working a corner to pay bills or do you want to go live the high life?"_

"_I'm packed, ain't I?" I retorted with a huff as I scuffed the toe of my shoe against the floor. _

_I hated when he used my full name, he was the only one who ever did, but it made me feel like a completely different person. There was Becca the one who would go play with the boys and get dirt under her fingernails. Then there was Rebecca the one that had the pressed clothes and pink painted nails._

"_Yeah, well, New York is a long trip from here and I'm not dealing with your attitude the whole way. Go on, say goodbye to your little friends but if you're not back in ten minutes I'm leaving without you." He pointed a finger in my direction and I rolled my eyes. "I mean it, Rebecca! I won't miss my chance to go because of you."_

_Tossing my pack onto the front porch I jogged over to the Dixon's trailer, the only real friends I had in this pathetic town. Just as I was about to knock on the front door I heard a sickening whip and backed down the steps quietly. I knew what was happening. I had been foolish enough to think it had stopped because it had been almost a month now but evil men with bad habits never changed._

_I stood out on the dirt road and at ten years old I had no idea what to do. This was my opportunity to be like the women I saw on the television and my brother was going to make sure I got there. On the other hand I knew that after a night like Merle just had he'd be down by the creek as soon as he could get away. I was his best friend, I was supposed to be there when he needed me even if it was only sitting there in silence, so what was I supposed to do?_

_The seconds ticked by quicker than I realized and in no time I heard Josh calling out my name. I started in his direction until I heard the screen door open and Merle stomp down the stairs. I followed him down to the creek and though I couldn't come within two feet of him I knew this is where I was supposed to be. _

_There would other chances to leave, there had to be._

***Present***

"What the fuck are you talking about?! You're the reason I stayed in the first place!"

He ruffled through his bag in search of something and stilled his movements at my declaration. He must have found what he was looking for and I had to take a deep breath when I saw him crushing up the few pills he had left before snorting them. He licked his finger before running it over the top of the pill bottle to get any powder he missed and then ran it along his gums.

"Say what you want, sugar," he gave a slight chuckle as he moved to the flap of the tent. "But you stayed because you were too scared to leave."

He walked out of the tent and I stood there for a second trying to get my temper under control. How was it possible that the one man that affected every one of my life decisions was the same man that could make my blood boil at the drop of a hat? I should have stayed in the tent and let it go but I couldn't. I whipped open the flap of the tent and just barely caught the back of his shoulders as they headed into the woods.

"Should let him cool off first," Daryl warned as I passed him and again I _should_ have listened but instead I flashed him a sarcastic smile.

Lori was still babying Shane who was eating up every minute of it and I almost wished she would have made some comment so I had a reason to hit her. It would have been a great way to get some aggression out but as fate would have it she stayed silent- for once.

"Merle, you fucker, wait up," I called into the woods, walking in the direction I had seen him wander off in. I was certainly no tracker and if he didn't make his presence known soon I was going to be lost. There was only one sure fire way I knew to draw him out if he was near so I stop walking and screamed out, "Merle Dixon, don't you dare walk away from me like a coward!"

My eyes scanned the trees in front of me hoping to see even a clue of which direction to go when a hand was slapped over my mouth. When I jumped in surprise an evil laugh erupted from within him as pulled me flush against his chest. I tried biting down on his hand but even as my teeth sunk into his skin his grasp didn't let up. I bucked against him trying to get myself free so I could yell at him, we could have it out, and be done with it. His left hand that was over my mouth kept me in place as I heard the buckle on his belt being undone.

His hand moved but before I could even get a word out he had his hand around my throat with just enough pressure that I wasn't able to take a deep breath. "You do this to yourself, you know." He pulled me away from his body by my neck and pushed my back up against a tree. "Becca, the girl who doesn't know when to leave well enough alone."

I held my arms out to the side opening myself up to him, "Do what you want to me, Merle. You're not going to scare me away."

His eyes narrowed as his hand tightened a bit more around my throat, "Why's that, huh?"

"Because I can see who you really are not the asshole that everyone else sees."

Merle scoffed and let his hand fall from my neck. He pointed off to the left, "Camp is back that way."

"Don't do that to me," I growled as my hand took hold of his buckle and gave a sharp tug, causing the leather strap to slide out of the loops around his jeans. "You can't push me away that easily."

He snatched the belt out of my hand with a wicked grin on his face, "Put your hands back."

I did as instructed without question and I felt him securing the belt around my wrists so that I was tied to the tree. He circled back around and with a wink he started to walk away.

"You're not going to leave me here?!" I screamed after him, not knowing or caring if we were close enough to camp for anyone to hear. I tried to pull myself away from the tree but that only resulted in the leather cutting into my wrists. "Fuck you, Dixon! All because I wouldn't say-"

I caught myself before the words rolled off my tongue but it was enough for him to turn back around and stride over to me. "Say what?"

"What is it that you want to hear? You know there's never been anyone else. You made sure of that when anyone else would even look at me the wrong way. Hell, even when I had some other man's last name you still had every bit of me. I don't know how you did it, I don't know how you stuck in my head for so many years but I do know that it took the world going to shit for you to man up and take what was yours."

"You ain't mine, sugar," he moved behind the tree and I felt the leather loosen around my wrists.

As soon as I was free I rounded on him and pushed him as hard as I could. "You thick headed, asshole, I've _always_ been yours!"

I went to push him again but he caught my wrists and pulled me into his chest, our lips crashing together. Our tongues wrestled for dominance but in that moment I gave in and let him have the control he so desperately craved. I reached into his pants to find him already hard. He inhaled deeply as I ran my hand along his shaft and scowled at me as I pulled my hand away.

His expression changed when he realized I was unbuttoning my jeans and sliding them over my hips. He freed himself from his boxers as I toed out of my shoes and kicked my pants to the side. As soon as my feet were out of my pants he grabbed my ass and hoisted me up in the air so that I had to wrap my legs around him. He spun me around so that my back was up against the tree and I angled my hips so that I could sit down on him. He wasted no time in thrusting in and out of me, my back getting scraped from the bark even through my shirt.

"Say it," he rasped in my ear. There were a million things he could have been asking to hear. I knew the one that would change everything for the rest of our time on this miserable planet. I still couldn't say it though. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to say it and I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to hear it. When I didn't answer him he rammed into me so hard it took my breath away. "Say it!"

I could feel myself getting dangerously close and his erratic thrusts weren't helping. It wasn't until he moved away from the tree and slapped me in the ass that I fell over the edge and tightened around him. The second he was done shooting his load I was dropped back to my feet. He shoved himself back into his pants while I redressed.

He started walking away and glanced back at me when he was about twenty yards away motioning that I was to follow him. I ripped my wedding ring from my finger and placed it at the base of the tree.

"You pickin' daisies or you comin' back to camp?" He questioned impatiently.

I took one last look at my ring, the one that was supposed to define who I was, before catching up to where he was.

_I'm yours, Merle Dixon_, I smiled to myself. _And God help me but I love you_.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: I don't own anything having to do with the Walking Dead only Becca belongs to me.**

**EnglishPoet18 I hope this is what you were looking for and made your day just a little bit better dear :)**

Chapter 5

We hadn't seen a walker in awhile now but the lovely Dixon brothers had it in their minds that I still needed to know how to protect myself. I tried to remind them of the time I nearly shot Daryl's foot off the first time Merle taught me how to shoot and that I had become a better shot since then. They shared a look of disbelief and as Merle took the gun out of my hands Daryl replaced it with a knife. My eyebrow rose in confusion not sure what they expected me to do with the knife I had seen them used to gut animals before. They were relentless though so here I was next to Daryl's truck trying to fight invisible walkers.

I wished someone would have walked around the corner and make a comment about how ridiculous I looked because then I would have had an excuse to try my aim out for real. The blade swiped and stabbed the air and I had to hold in a growl that threatened to escape. There wasn't any reason for me to even be practicing I knew that as long as Merle was around I would be safe. God forbid the day he wasn't Daryl would have my back as I would his.

I wasn't exactly sure where Merle had wandered off to or why but wherever he was I prayed he was staying out of trouble. Not that he ever really stayed away from trouble in fact he usually gravitated towards it. There were lines drawn in the sand and instead of crossing them Merle would find a way to erase them all together. He held a few beliefs though that was instilled by his mother before his father tried to beat them out.

A hand rested on the front of my hip and pulled me back so I flush against their chest. Their other hand slid down my arm slowly until their hand was over top of mine that was holding the knife. "You're holding it wrong," his voice made me sick to my stomach and he fixed my grip. "You'll get better leverage this way."

"Get off of me, Shane."

"Just trying to help you out," his hand slid around to my stomach and rested just above the top of jeans. "It's not often your attack dog leaves you all alone. Wanted to know what the fuss is all about." I reeled my arm elbow back and got him in the ribs hard enough that he let go of me. Shane didn't get infuriated like I expected him to instead a sickeningly sweet smile passed over his lips as his eyes darkened. "You are a firecracker."

"Don't call me that," my voice barely sounded like my own as I was pulled back to my past.

***Flashback***

"_Bill, bill, bill, bill," Rich flipped through the mail before tossing it onto my lap. "We don't have the money to pay our rent and you're sitting there with a beer in your hand like you're on a fucking vacation."_

"_I had a long day at work, my feet are killing me, and I don't think that a few beers are going to put us in the poor house," I sighed as I set the mail on the coffee table and went to go grab another bottle from the refrigerator. _

_He followed me into the kitchen and slammed the refrigerator door shut as soon as I tried to open it. "We wouldn't have to worry about money if I didn't have to pay your bail when you went and lost your temper again. You know if it wasn't for my father you'd be rotting in a jail cell right now. You should be kissing my ass."_

"_If it wasn't for your father I wouldn't have gotten arrested in the first place!" I yanked the refrigerator door open and took a cold beer out, twisting the top off with the bottom of my shirt. "Or do you not remember who put the cuffs around my wrists?"_

_Rich paced the linoleum floor, running a rand through his thick black locks. "He has appearances to keep up, Becca. What was he supposed to do let you off with a warning when the woman needed surgery to repair her face?"_

"_Bitch should have stopped running her mouth," I mumbled, taking a sip of my beer. _

_He took a step towards me, "And you still have yet to tell me what she said that made my little firecracker come out." I stayed silent and just shrugged because there were no words to explain the loyalty I had to the Dixons and the lengths I would go to protect them. "Damn it, Becca, if it wasn't for me you'd be working in that factory, drinking your boxed wine, and end up all alone just like your mother." Without a second thought I hurled the beer bottle at him but it missed and shattered against the wall. "I've gave you the world and this…this is how you repay me?" _

"_Yeah," I scoffed and waved my arm around our barely furnished trailer. "Because we're really living the high life here, Rich! What do you want a thank you? Someone to suck you off every night? There are whores on the corner for that. You want money to pay the bills so bad?" I wiggled the engagement ring off my finger and set it on the counter. "There you go. Take it. Pay your bills and do whatever you want to with it. I'm done."_

_Rich shook his head as I pulled my boots on, "Go on and run, Becca, but when you realize no one else will love you I'll be here."_

_The moment the ring was no longer on my finger it felt like there was a weight lifted from my shoulders. An energy soared through me and I felt like I could take on the world. I grabbed my keys from the hook by the door and walked out of the trailer with my head held high._

_I hadn't even realized where I was going until I was outside their trailer. It appeared dark inside and neither the bike nor the truck were parked out front like they usually were. I thought about going down to the creek like old times to try and figure out what I was supposed to do with my life but the need to see him was too strong. The only other place I knew to check would be the local dive bar. Ever since their father had passed it seemed to be the new place to hangout._

_The music was almost deafening as I swung the door open and the air was thick with smoke. I scanned the room searching for my Dixon and my eyes landed on him across the room. He was leaning against one of the wooden pillars a sloppy grin on his face, his white wife beater stained with dirt from the day and his over shirt handing open exposing his chest hair. _

_I was just about to him when I saw some blonde tramp rest her hand on his chest. I couldn't hear what she was saying but who needed to when she had her ass hanging out of her shorts and her breasts on display for the world. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and put a hand on the bimbo's hip to steady her. _

_I had no right to be jealous, up until twenty minutes ago I was engaged, but it didn't stop my blood from boiling. He wasn't supposed to fall for the whores on the corner. He wasn't supposed to need anyone else but me. In my fury my shoulder bumped into him as I saw Keith playing darts with a few of his friends. I pushed Keith up against the wall and grabbed his dick through his jeans. I was just leaning in to kiss him when I was ripped away from him._

"_Go fuck, Barbie, Merle," I snarled as I tried to free my arm but the death grip didn't let up as he guided me through the bar and out the rear exit. Once in the alley he moved his hand to my neck and held me against the brick wall. "Let me go. Keith is waiting for me." _

_It was only then that I saw the ugly head of jealousy in his eyes that I had gone to someone else instead of him. His nostrils flared as popped the button on my jeans and shoved them down over my hips. The next thing I knew I was being bent over his motorcycle and I heard the zipper on his pants. He threaded his fingers through my hair and rammed into me without warning making me cry out._

"_This is what you came for isn't it?" He grunted and when I didn't answer he cracked me on the ass, the sound echoing in the back alley._

"_Yeah," I managed to get out. _

_My body began responding to him and smacked my ass again with a growl. He needed to understand that I would do anything for him. He wanted to treat me like a rag doll then I would let him. As long as it was him and only him. He didn't need those whores he had me._

***Present***

"That's what you are," Shane shrugged as he pried the knife away from my fingers and dropped it to the ground. "All someone has to do is fuel that fire burning behind your eyes and you explode." He stepped closer to me and grabbed my ass. "There are better ways to release that pent up aggression." I tried to push against his chest but it only turned him on more and he let out a little chuckle. "Nah, girl, I take what I want."

Just as my hand clenched into a fist Merle stepped around the truck. "Well, well, what do we have here?"

Shane's hand fell from my ass but he didn't cower away either. I picked up the knife and handed it to Merle. "I'm going down to the lake to wash up."

I don't know why I told him where I was going but I think part of me was hoping he'd follow. It had taken us way longer than it should have to be faithful to only one another and it was making my skin crawl just thinking about Shane's hands on me. Merle and I would always know the right buttons to push to get the other one riled up but days of playing our games were over.

I walked the edge of the lake until I was in a spot that had a few more trees along the shoreline for more privacy. The last thing I needed was Dale to get a free show as he sat on top of his RV on watch. Toeing out of my shoes, I undressed and left my clothes in a pile. The water was tepid but it was refreshing compared to the hot Georgia sun. My eyes were closed as I enjoyed the soothing sounds of the woods around me. The leaves rustled from the slight breeze and the cicadas sang a duet with the birds.

Merle was usually able to sneak up on me but this time I heard the buckle on his belt before I felt the water move around me as he stepped into the water. I turned around to say something about how I wasn't going to practice with the knife anymore but he smashed our lips together silencing any thought I had. A hand tangled in my hair, holding my face close to his, as he kissed me with such force I would have fell over if it wasn't for his other hand on my lower back.

Our bodies were as close as they could be without him being inside of me. The water rolled off his chest in beads that I traced with my finger. He caught my wrist as I went to follow another drop of water, "I don't want you near him."

It was as close as I was going to get to him verbally marking his claim on me. That wasn't to say he wasn't going to do it physically and the next thing I knew his thumb had found my clit. I gasped and he smirked as he sped up the circles he was drawing. My hand slid down the length of him, the water making it glide easily over his member, and the more he teased me the quicker I moved my hand. I could feel him getting harder and knew exactly what he wanted when he pinched my clit. Letting my hand pull away from him slowly, I climbed up him and held onto his broad shoulders as my legs encircled his body.

He slid into me and I only had a second to adjust before his hips started move. I arched my back and he took my breast that I had exposed to him in his mouth. He flicked his tongue over my nipple a few times, rolled it, and bit down knowing I would tighten my thighs around him.

A groan vibrated through him and I closed my eyes, reveling in the euphoric feeling that this man was always able to leave me with. His short finger nails dug into my ass as his face scrunched creating little lines on his forehead. Two, three, four more thrusts and we were falling over the edge together. I held onto him longer than necessary but it was the only time I was able to be close to him so I was soaking up every second.

"I mean it, Becca," he tugged my hair so that my neck was open to him and he placed a chaste kiss just below my jaw line. "It'd be a shame if he lost a couple teeth."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: I don't own anything having to do with the Walking Dead only Becca belongs to me.**

**This one is just a tad different in that the whole chapter will be before the ZA but there will still be a flashback from when they were kids. Hope it's not too confusing. May is turning out to be a very busy month so I will try and update again as soon as possible!**

Chapter 6

It was hard to say what exactly had me so elated these past few weeks. It could have been the fact that I no longer had Rich's engagement ring on my finger weighing me down. Part of me thought it was because I had been sharing a bed with Merle every night only to wake up in the morning and realize it wasn't all a dream. He'd be on his back, one arm hanging off the side of the bed, and his mouth slightly open as soft snores escaped. The first few nights I stayed up and watched as he slept. There was something about being in his own bed in his own room that put him at ease. It was the one place that the walls he built years ago came down and I could see the person that had wormed his way into my heart.

The air in the room was heavy, the box fan in the window doing little to cool it off, and sleep was calling to me. The Georgia sun had been beating down on the trailer all day and now that the moon was high in the sky we finally got some relief. I was curled on my side, my back pressed against the wall, with a good few inches between Merle and I. Tonight was different, he was different, and as he lay on his back staring up at the ceiling his thoughts were blanketing the room. I had learned over the years to not push him to talk, he'd say what was on his mind if he really wanted me to know, otherwise my pestering would only make him bottle it up more until he exploded.

I was in limbo, the place of consciousness where you're not really awake but you're not really sleeping either. I felt him shift in the bed but didn't bother to see what he was doing because sleep was so close. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and I was just ready to fall over the edge into a deep slumber when I heard him whisper. "What're you doin' here, sugar?" His thumb slid over the scars on my wrist. "I'm not the devil but I can't be your hero."

By the time I opened my eyes and blinked a few times to adjust to the darkness he was on his back with an arm under his pillow. If Mr. Dixon wasn't already dead I would have killed him for making his boys think so little of themselves. They were two lost souls looking searching for their place in this sadistic world and I wanted to be the one to show them their worth. Despite the sweltering heat I laid my head on his chest and draped my arm around his middle. He didn't move or complain and as his breathing evened out his soft snores were like a lullaby pulling me back to sleep.

The next morning when I woke he was already gone leaving me in the trailer by myself. I pulled on a pair of shorts and threw on one of his wife beaters. Weekends were the worst in this suffocating town. There were the people that would sit on their wooden porches snickering at anyone who passed by, the kids would be running around causing mischief, and others would let the heat be their excuse to walk around with the bare minimum of clothes. It was when the weekends rolled around that I remembered why I ever wanted to leave.

The first time I ever met Merle we were going to runaway together but as fate would have it we never made it.

***Flashback***

_Momma and daddy were fighting again so instead of sitting and listening to it I was out exploring the woods behind our trailer. Leaves crunched beneath my feet as I used the small saplings to pull myself along the unmarked trail. There was a calm about being out in the woods with no arguing parents only the soft songs of nature. I was just about to the creek when a boy a few years older than me stalked past and scared me causing me to scream. _

"_Don't be yellin', you idiot," he snarled at me._

_I crossed my arms and stuck my hip out to the side like I had seen momma do when she was mad. "Don't be scaring me then! Whatcha doing with that bag? Are you going camping?"_

"_I ain't tellin' you." _

_He started walking through the woods again but this time I followed. "What's your name?" He didn't even slow his pace and I studied the back of his head. "Well, I'm Becca. Now it's your turn. What's your name?" Still nothing but the rustling leaves. "Where are you going?"_

_He growled as he turned around and I had to grab a nearby tree to keep myself from falling over. "What the hell you followin' me for? Go on back home, dimples, ain't got time to baby sit."_

_My head titled to the side in confusion. "You mean you're really leaving?" He mumbled something I wasn't able to hear and started walking away again. "I didn't know we could leave. Can I go with you?"_

"_No."_

"_Wait," I caught up to him quick enough and it finally occurred to me where I had seen him before. "Don't you have a brother?"_

_My question stopped him dead in his tracks as he whipped his head in my direction. "What's it to you?"_

_I shrugged, "Think he has lunch before me at school. Danny? David?" _

"_Daryl," he snapped and I swear he was showing off his teeth like an angered dog._

"_You know, you don't have to be so mean. It was just a question. You'd make more friends if you weren't trying to scare everyone away."_

_He readjusted the bag over his shoulder, "I don't have any friends."_

"_I'll be your friend," I stuck my right hand out like daddy taught me but he just stared at it. "You're supposed to shake it."_

_His eyes flickered from my hand to my face a few times before he sighed. "Merle."_

_I let my arm fall back down to my side and let him lead the way._

***Present***

It was all just another pipe dream though once you were in this town you were lucky if you ever got out. My mother had come looking for me and when she found me with Merle she ushered him right back home too. We were both looking for an escape that day but instead we found each other. From that moment on I never stopped letting Merle lead the way and I was certainly not supposed to fall in love with him.

The small radio on the table was playing music I'd hear shit about if Merle was home but in that moment I didn't care. He'd come back later from whatever he was doing, I'd feed him a hearty dinner, and give him me for dessert. It was an easy routine we had quickly fallen into and one I wasn't looking to change anytime soon. The front door slammed and I dropped the pan I had been scrubbing into the sink.

"I hate when you guys do that!" I called over my shoulder as I turned the water on and ran it over the pan to wash away the soap. After turning the faucet off I stood there for a second and listened to see who had come home. Merle walked with determination in every step he took while Daryl was more careful and around the house he'd shuffle quietly from room to room so quietly that you'd never know he was even there. "Daryl?"

He came into the kitchen with the Dixon scowl on his face. "Merle needs to get his shit together."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, genuinely confused because though he was quite colorful Merle had been pretty good lately.

"Didn't hear? He got picked up 'bout an hour ago." My stomach dropped and I held onto the counter to keep myself standing. This didn't make any sense. Merle knew to be extra careful because of past offences. Daryl kept talking but I only heard parts of it while I was trying to wrap my mind around it. "…said had too much of his stash on him."

It all started to fall into place and I felt the bile rising up in my throat. I stormed passed Daryl and snatched my car keys off the table. Gravel shot back from the back tires as I peeled out and down through the streets until I came to a screeching halt in front of his trailer. My fist pounded on the front door until Rich finally opened it.

A glint of a smile was in his eyes as he greeted me only pissing me off more and confirming everything I dreaded. "What can I do for you, Becca?"

"You fucking asshole," I pushed him back into the trailer and slammed the door behind me.

He chuckled and held his hands up in mock surrender. "If you wanted to fool around all you had to do was say so I still have the handcuffs in my drawer."

"Why, huh? Why did you do this? Why couldn't you just leave well enough alone?! He never did anything to you!"

He pulled the black velvet box from his pants pocket and opened it so I could see the engagement ring I left behind. "I told you there would never be anyone who loved you as much as I did, didn't I?"

"So you had him arrested?!" Merle may have his demons but there was no way he'd ever carry enough on him that would lead to his arrest. This was all an evil plan from an even more vicious man.

"You're mine, Becca, and I will do whatever I have to for you to see that." I felt as if the walls were closing in on me and it got harder to draw air into my lungs as he stepped closer. He took my left hand in his and slid the ring back on my finger. "This is where you belong. This is where you'll be loved." He kissed my cheek and patted my head like I was just some pet to him. "Now remember, firecracker, you take that ring off and all it will take is one phone call and Merle Dixon will just be another convict they are mopping off the prison's floor. So, what do you say? Will you marry me, Rebecca Ann?"

There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for Merle Dixon and if that meant selling my soul to the devil himself then I'd burn in hell. This wasn't the life I wanted but it was as close to surviving as I would get.

"Yes."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: I don't own anything having to do with the Walking Dead only Becca belongs to me.**

**Thanks to EnglishPoet and ispiltthemilk for letting me toss around a few ideas for this chapter. Hope you enjoy :)**

Chapter 7

It was still early morning and most were just starting to move around the camp. Dale was perched on top of his RV with the binoculars around his neck and I thought about joining him one of these days just to get a lay of the land around me. Daryl had slipped out before the sun had even peeked over the tree line and one could only guess where Merle had wandered off to. It was a peaceful moment sitting in front of our tent and for a moment it was easy to forget about the horrors of the world lurking around us.

"You're not even trying!" Carl shouted grabbing my attention as Sophia tossed the ball back in his direction.

She huffed and held the stick up ready to try again, "Am too!" I watched as Carl concentrated on where he wanted to throw the ball, turned to the side, and threw it in Sophia's direction. She swung with all her might and I had to bite back a chuckle at the murderous expression on her face. "You're doing that on purpose!" She scurried after the ball and chucked it back at him as hard as she could.

"Carl, hold up a second," I got up from my chair and made my way over to where they were playing; ignoring the dumbfounded look he was giving me. To be honest, it was probably the first time I had spoken to him. Sophia glanced up at me as I stood behind her. "Go on and stand like you're going to hit the ball." She let out a deep sigh and lazily held the stick in her hand not really seeing a point to this. I lightly kicked her foot over until she was standing with them shoulder length apart and readjusted her grip on the stick. "Don't lock your knees."

I didn't know much about sports, in fact hitting a baseball was as far as my knowledge went, but it was the one thing my brother had been adamant about teaching me. I took a step back and nodded to Carl to throw the ball. It once again went sailing past her but this time I jogged over to get it and tossed it back to Carl.

"I don't want to play anymore," she dropped the stick and crossed her arms. "I can't do it."

"Okay, you're right, you can't." Her little eyes got as wide as saucers at my statement and I picked the stick off the ground. "If you think you can't do it then you never will be able to."

I handed her back the stick and smirked when she stood like I had shown her but this time I kept my hands overtop of hers so she could get the feel for timing. I nodded at Carl once more and he was clearly excited that I had convinced Sophia to keep playing with him. He wound up and threw the best pitch he could. Sophia and I swung and the stick connected with the ball sending it into the side of the RV. Dale peered over the edge to see what the noise was and I felt like a little kid again about to get in trouble.

"Sorry!" Sophia called over to him and I gave a short wave as an apology. Her little arms came around my waist and gave me a tight squeeze. "Thanks, Becca!"

It shocked me but I patted the back of her shoulder awkwardly, "No problem. Keep practicing and maybe we'll play again later, okay?"

She nodded enthusiastically before preparing to hit all by herself. It was nice being able to show her something that she didn't know before and I wondered if this was how my brother felt after he taught me all those years ago. Doubt it though, I wasn't as sweet as Sophia, and definitely gave him enough attitude. I saw Lori and Shane walking out of the woods together and her trying to discreetly rejoin the group while she fixed her hair. Andrea made a face and when we locked eyes from across the camp we shared a little chuckle.

"Good morning, Becca."

I whipped my head to the side surprised anyone had come over to chat with me. The only time any of them came to me was when Merle had done something and wanted me to reel him in. Not that I've ever had luck with that. "Morning," I replied slowly, waiting to hear what Carol had to say.

She took a seat next to me and I internally groaned figuring he had said something offensive to her. "Saw you with Sophia earlier." That was not the route I was expecting the conversation to go and I immediately went to apologize thinking I had overstepped a boundary. "You were really good with her. I'm happy you didn't let her give up. She needs more of that in her life."

"Oh, it was no big deal," I absentmindedly played with the fringe on my shorts to give my hands something to do.

"Did…I mean do…" she stumbled over her words and having been wrong so far with what she wanted to talk about I stayed silent until she got out, "Do you have any kids?"

***Flashback***

_I couldn't tear my eyes away from the stick sitting on the side of the sink with two little pink lines staring back at me. My whole body felt numb and I wasn't sure I could wrap my head around the idea. I hadn't been against having kids but I certainly didn't think I was ready for them either. I was being so careful so this would never happen._

"_Becca, I'm home!" Rich called out and the door shut behind him before I heard him moving around the trailer. I walked out of the bathroom and headed to the kitchen knowing he would be expecting his dinner to be made. He was sitting at the table with a beer in his hand as I came in and automatically started talking about his day. "Busted two kids trying to break into the old Miller house over on Fuller Lane thought they were going to shit themselves when I pulled up." I hummed a response and he picked up on the far off look in my eyes as I leaned against the counter. "Bec? Something wrong?"_

"_I'm…I'm…pregnant," I choked out the words not even wanting to say it._

_His jaw dropped as his whole face lit up like it was the best news he ever heard, "Are you serious?"_

_The excitement in his voice only made me want to run away from it all but I forced myself to nod. "I was late, like really late, and I took a test."_

_Forgetting the beer on the table he engulfed me into a hug and spun me around a few times, pure laughter coming from deep within him. He set me back on my feet and placed a hand on my flat stomach, "We're going to have a baby!"_

"_Yeah, I suppose we are." It was in that moment that Merle's face flashed through my mind and how much this was going to kill him._

_**X-X-X **_

_I had avoided Merle since he had gotten out of jail in fear that Rich would make good on his word. He had been out for a little over six months now and I knew I'd have to see him eventually. I was just starting to show and news was going to spread fast that I was pregnant. He deserved to hear it from me so while Rich was working overtime one night I dressed in a loose fitting shirt and the only pants that fit me at the moment._

_Time wasn't on my side and I couldn't afford to drive around all night looking for him. I called the trailer hoping by some miracle he'd be home but not even Daryl answered the phone. The bar was the only other place that popped in my head so I slid on a pair of flip flops and snatched my keys off the hook. _

_After dealing with the drunken assholes of our town the bar ended up being a bust too. At this point Rich would be getting off of work in a half hour, I was hungry and about ready to curl up on the couch. I stopped off at the diner as a craving for a strawberry sundae with peanut butter and chocolate sauce hit me. The place was always crowded no matter what time you popped in and I stood at the counter waiting for the lanky teenager to take my order. _

"_Well, look what the cat dragged in, baby brother." My mind had been so set on food I hadn't even bothered to look around to see who was in the diner. Merle and Daryl had been just a few stools down from where I was waiting. "Been so long almost forgot what you looked like."_

"_Hey, guys," I bit my bottom lip as I replayed in my head what I wanted to say to him. _It wasn't going to be hard_, I tried to reason but even I couldn't lie to myself._

_Daryl nodded in greeting, "Gotta take a piss."_

_The moment the two of us was alone I felt like I was going to be sick. "How've you been?" _

_Merle shook his head with betrayal flashing through his eyes, "Ain't nothing I couldn't handle." he raked his eyes up and down my body, "'bout time you put some meat on ya been tryin' to get you to eat for years."_

"_About that-" I started to tell him the truth before I completely lost my courage when Rich's voice sounded behind me._

"_Becca, there you are!" I could almost feel the blood drain from my face, terrified that he had seen me talking to Merle. He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my middle making a point to kiss the side of my neck. "Was just stopping in to get you a treat before I came home."_

"_I got hungry and we were all out of ice cream," I lied as Daryl came back from the bathroom. "We should head on home."_

_I could feel Rich smirking against my neck, "Yes, yes we should." I didn't get to say goodbye or even get to grab my sundae as I was ushered out the door and to my car. "I'll see you at home."_

_The ride went by in a flash but I was going to hold my head up as I got out of the car. I hadn't done anything wrong technically I ran into him while trying to get a snack but now I'd have to convince Rich of that. He parked his cruiser next to my car and walked straight into the trailer without a second glance in my direction. I took a few calming breaths before following him through the front door._

_He stayed silent until I slipped my shoes off and I could see his eyes almost twitching in anger. "What did I say, Rebecca Ann?"_

"_Rich, I didn't-"_

_He growled as a hand went around my throat pinning me to the wall. "It's not even mine, is it?" He started sliding me up the wall, my feet leaving the ground causing my air supply to be cut off even more. He glared down at my stomach before meeting my eyes again. "Is it his?"_

_I shook my head in the negative and he released his hold sending me crumpling to the floor. I lay on my side trying to draw air back into my lungs. "Tonight was the first time I've seen him."_

_He studied my face for a moment before crouching down in front of me. "Liar."_

_The first punch barely registered but a switch was flipped in my brain and instead of trying to fight back like I normally would have I rolled into myself trying to protect the baby. It wasn't until I started spitting blood that he finally backed away, his darkened eyes fading away as he took in what he did._

_Rich called his father to clean up another one of his messes and he was advised to bring me to the emergency room. He carried me through the sliding doors screaming out for someone to help me trying to appear like he was a concerned husband. My father in-law stood off to the side and nodded to his son. When the nurses asked what happened he told them I was in a car accident._

_The doctor had spewed some bullshit that I wouldn't have been able to carry to term anyways like it was supposed to make me feel better. She patted my sheet covered foot and flashed a sympathetic smile when she told me that children would never be a realistic option for me. I had my tubes tied later that week much to Rich's dismay but it was better this way. I'd never have to tell Merle that I had started a family with someone else._

***Present***

"Becca?" Carol placed her hand on my shoulder and still lost in the memory I flinched away. There wasn't sympathy or pity in her eyes only understanding. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked it's none of my business."

I wanted to tell her that it was okay, that it was a long time ago and it was actually kind of nice to have someone to talk to besides my Dixons, but instead I just offered her a small smile. When there wasn't any chance of a future and the present was too clouded to walk through the only place to live was the past no matter how tormented it may be. She headed back over to where Sophia and Carl were still playing about the same time Merle came around the side of the tent.

"Keep up the good work, sugar," Merle winked at me and I raised an eyebrow in confusion. He crouched down next to me and whispered in my ear, "Gain their trust so we can find out what they have before we rob 'em blind and head off on our own."

An uneasy feeling grew in the pit of my stomach but I'd walk through a burning ring of fire if he asked me to. "When?"

"Soon as I get back from Atlanta. You and Daryl be ready."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I wasn't going to take our tent down yet because that would raise too many questions but everything inside of it was packed and ready to go all we needed was the word from Merle. Pulling myself up to sit in the bed of the truck, I started scribbling down items on the back of an old receipt that I thought Merle would be interested in knowing about. I hadn't been inside Dale's RV but I assumed there would be quite a few things in there that would be useful once the three of us were off on our own so I added it to our list of places to check. A small smile pulled at the corner of my lips as I jotted Shane's name down. At this point nothing would make me happier than to see the smirk wiped off his face when he didn't have that gun resting on his shoulder like he was the emperor of this new world. Ed must have had a stash of cigarettes somewhere because I never saw him without one hanging from his lips and while I knew Merle was more concerned with taking such things as weapons or even food, I also knew the cigarettes would help if he came back from the city empty handed.

Someone kicked the tire of the truck and I immediately put the list out of view until I saw it was Daryl trying to get my attention. I rolled my eyes with a sigh and went back to my list as he nodded toward the woods, "Headin' out."

"He wanted us to be ready when he got back," I reminded in a low whisper so no one would be able to overhear us.

"Ain't goin' far," he assured, turning to head into the woods.

I looked down at my list and then to his retreating form. "Hey, Daryl," he glanced over his shoulder waiting to hear what I had to say. "This feel right to you?"

He snorted, "You goin' to stop him?" Daryl didn't wait for my response as he slipped into the woods.

My eyes scanned the camp again trying to see what else I remembered seeing during our time here but my gaze stopped on the kids playing off to the side. Sophia was trying to show one of the little girls how to hold the stick like I had showed her earlier while Carl waited impatiently to toss the ball. Merle would never intentionally put a child in danger but taking the only weapons their parents had to protect them was as good as digging the graves himself. Daryl was right though, I wouldn't stand in his way of something he wanted to do, but just maybe I could steer his attention to the people who didn't have kids to worry about.

I was too used to him and Daryl taking off to go hunting or wander through the trees trying to get some peace from the group but I always felt out of place without them around. Merle had my heart before I even knew what love was and Daryl had a way of always being in the right place at the right time when I needed him the most. There was some commotion over by Dale's RV before Amy stormed away with Lori chasing after her. This camp had more drama than a reality show and I suddenly couldn't wait to get away from it all. Shoving the receipt into the back pocket of my jeans I jumped down from the truck and headed back to the tent to triple check everything was as Merle would want it.

Ignoring the gut feeling I had about robbing the camp was a little easier when I thought about being with Merle. There wasn't flowers and butterflies, this wasn't some romantic movie that would have us living the happily ever after like we dreamt about when we were kids, but it was the closest thing I was going to get. It would be Merle and I, side by side, standing against the world.

It wasn't about where we came from it was about where we were going, who we could become, because when you spread your wings anything was possible and for the first time I felt like I was ready to fly.

***Flashback***

_I didn't want to do it anymore, no, it was more than that - I couldn't do it anymore. I wasn't as strong as I should have been, the weight of the world pressing down on my shoulders trying to break me, and I was ready to give in. He was the only one who could save me from drowning and pull me back up to my feet, giving me the air my lungs craved. I needed him more than I realized, the one man that I was forbidden to be around, I needed Merle. Everything was different when I was with him; colors were more vibrant, music had my hips swaying to the beat, and even the rain held a beauty that couldn't be described. It had been months since I had seen him in that diner but I couldn't get the image out of my mind. His baby blues as always dancing with mischief, the barely there stubble along his jaw that kept him looking defined but not unkempt, the way he sat on the stool like he owned the place with his head held high. He smelt of cigarette smoke, leather, motor oil, and something that was purely Merle. It was the same something that was able to drown any fear and make a heat pool between my legs anytime I was around him._

_So when Kate had invited me out for a girl's night at the bar he liked to frequent I immediately agreed. Best part was that Rich seemed genuinely pleased that I was getting out of the house. There had been weeks after we lost the baby that I would spend barricaded in our room not wanting to face the world. I couldn't understand what I had done so wrong in my life to deserve this. Was this my karma? Maybe I had done something in a past life that I was paying for now. No matter what the reason was I was stuck in the eye of the storm praying to someday see the sunshine again._

_Originally, I had been content in drinking beer for the night being more than delighted to just get out of the house not to mention the possibility of seeing my Dixon. That was until Kate ordered a round of fireball shots. The cinnamon whiskey burned the back of my throat and I could feel it all the way down to my stomach. It wasn't until a small smile started to flash across my face that Kate ordered another round. Maybe my mom had been onto something and happiness really did come from a bottle. My mind never once stopped thinking about Merle's callused hands roaming my body or his baby blues that would see the girl behind the mask but as the liquor was poured I stopped searching him out in the sea of people._

_Kate had been chatting it up with a biker passing through and after a drunken phone call to Rich he had agreed to let me stay with Kate that night as long as I came home first thing in the morning. I knew she would be preoccupied so I paid my part of the tab and said goodnight to her before trying to make my way out of the bar. I wasn't sure where I was going but it was invigorating knowing I didn't have to go home._

_Daryl was crossing the parking lot as I stumbled out the door of the bar almost losing my footing, holding onto the knob for balance and swinging with it as it opened. He was packing his cigarettes against the palm of his hand before he tore the plastic off the box not having seen me yet._

"_Daryl!" I excitedly shouted, waving my arm in his direction and though there was no way he could have missed me I waved again to make sure, "Hey, Dixon!"_

"_Becca," he greeted with a smirk as I sat down on the curb, my legs crossed underneath me. "Whatcha doin'?"_

"_I don't know," I overdramatically shrugged my shoulders and glanced up at him through my lashes. "What are you doing? We should do something. Wanna go somewhere? We never hangout anymore, Dixon. I don't have my car, Kate drove, have you met Kate?"_

_He lit his cigarette and smoke billowed around him as he stuck the pack into his pocket, "Mhm."_

"_Oh, good because she's getting laid tonight and introducing you while she's trying to charm some other guy probably wouldn't be good."_

_Daryl just shook his head, reaching his hand out to help me to my feet and my hand felt so tiny in his as he pulled me up. I swayed and he caught my elbow, steadying me before I could fall over, "Always was a light weight."_

"_To be fair last time was when we found that moonshine and Merle kept refilling my glass so really you can't blame me. It was his fault and if I remember correctly you were pretty lit too." I stumbled and once again he kept me standing, the cigarette hanging loosely from his lips._

_Daryl let out a long breath as he crouched in front of me, motioning for me to get on his back. "C'mon." _

_I jumped too hard and almost took us both down. He righted us though and stood his full height as I swung my feet back and forth. I leaned foreword and kissed him on the cheek, "Such a gentleman." _

_He slightly shook his head as his arms locked around my legs to keep me from falling. Words tumbled out of my mouth faster than my brain could comprehend and he loosened his grip on me, threatening to drop me in the middle of the road if I didn't put a cork in it. My arms wrapped around his neck as my legs tightened around him in case he made good on his threat so I wouldn't fall. I could feel him chuckle and I relaxed my arms enough to rest my chin on his shoulder._

"_Hey, Daryl?" He hummed a response and I chewed my bottom lip unsure if I wanted the answer to my next question or not. "Is Merle home?"_

"_You ain't goin' home?"_

_Turning my head so I could rest it against the back of his shoulder, I bit my bottom lip. "No tonight I thought I'd hangout with my favorite guys."_

_He muttered some comment I didn't catch but he didn't question it instead carrying me back to the trailer he and Merle shared. The house was a dirtier than I remembered it with takeout boxes overflowing the coffee table. Daryl effortlessly carried me into Merle's room, dropping me on the bed as Merle raised an eyebrow. Daryl tossed him a pack of unopened cigarettes and closed the door behind him as he left._

"_Need to send him out more often," Merle glanced over, clearly surprised to see me._

_Climbing onto his lap so that I was straddling him, I rested my hands on his broad chest, capturing his lips with my own and suddenly I could breathe again. I wasn't drowning in my demons but flying high with my saint. My kisses were hungry, longing for the fuel to the fire that had almost been put out. Merle hadn't objected at first but before I could continue with my assault he put his hands on my hips and pulled me away a bit. _

"_What happened to the officer?" There was more than just curiosity dancing behind his eyes, the hint of dark green jealousy rimming his baby blues that had me wanting to spill all my secrets._

_I rolled the engagement ring and wedding band around my finger with my thumb, dropping my gaze ashamed of the person I had become. "It's not what you think." _

"_You're not married then?" Refusing to look him in the face because I was too afraid of seeing that hatred I was so sure would be there, I kept my eyes trained on the ridges on his wife beater. He squeezed my hips trying to get me to meet his eyes, "Bec? He do something?"_

_I shook my head in the negative knowing he'd hear the dishonesty in my voice. The naïve side of me wanted to ask him to run away with me like when we were kids. Just pack up and sneak away in the middle of the night and like the wind be gone without a trace. If my head was still up in the clouds maybe the words would have left my mouth and maybe he would have been all for it but I knew in reality I could never get away from Rich. The threat of what he would do to Merle, to take him away from me forever, was something I couldn't live with. Even if I had to sneak around, even if this would be the closest thing I'd ever have to normalcy with him, I had to try._

"_Don't you want me anymore, Merle?"_

***Present***

An alarm sounding in the distance drew me from the tent to see Dale perched up on his RV, binoculars glued to his eyes, as Shane questioned what was going on. A few moments later Glenn pulled up and there was more of a fuss because he had driven up here with the car alarm on. If Amy hadn't bombarded him with questions on where the rest of them were I certainly would have but he assured they were right behind him but his smile fell when his eyes landed on me. I had to suppress a scoff that threatened to escape. Seriously, Merle needed to hurry up, get back and give us the plan because I was so over these people and their judgmental looks, it was like being back in the trailer park.

"Becca," T-Dog approached me, guilt etched into his features. I noticed some blood on his shirt and my stomach instantly knotted fearing the worst. My eyes frantically searched for Merle and when I didn't see him I felt the bile rising in my throat.

I couldn't stop staring at the repugnant red on his white shirt and I tried to swallow my fears. "Where is he?"

"I'm sorry…"

"No!" I growled, pushing T-Dog as hard as I could. There wasn't anything to apologize for. This had to be some horrible joke. At any second I was going to hear Merle's low whistle before teasing me for being so gullible. He was going to throw me over his shoulder, carry me out into the woods and have his way with me, but it never came.

The new guy broke away from Lori, introducing himself and starting to ramble on about how Merle was out of hand and he had no choice. It didn't make sense, there's always a choice and I knew from experience the harder one was usually the right one. It was all too surreal and Andrea spoke up saying how they had tried talking to him first but he was going to get them all killed. They were circling me like vultures and even standing out in the open I felt as if the walls were closing in on me as pure rage surged through my veins. T-Dog admitted he had dropped the key but had chained the door shut like it was supposed to be some comfort. Merle, the other half of my soul, was left handcuffed on the roof like some animal without a second thought in the most populated city in Georgia.

"You left him behind?" I questioned in a whisper of disbelief, my hands clenching into fists at my side as I found my voice again. "You left him in Atlanta?!" Tears burned my eyes but I wouldn't believe he was gone, not after everything we had been through. I wasn't giving up without a fight and I hoped he wouldn't either. Rick took a step closer to me with his hand out trying to explain again what happened, something about Merle and drugs, but I mirrored his movements keeping the distance between us. "Daryl!"

"Listen, I'd like to have a calm discussion about this," Rick spoke to me like I was a child unable to comprehend the situation and throwing a temper tantrum only pissing me off more.

Digging my feet into the ground I screamed out for the youngest Dixon again as if my life depended on it because in that minute it did. I needed him to come and make it right. I needed him to get me to Merle.

"He was a danger to us all," Rick tried again.

If I had a gun on me I would have shot him on the spot, "You don't even know him!"

"Merle Dixon wouldn't give you a glass of water if you were dying of thirst," Shane spat to the side and I screamed for Daryl again.

"He's a better man than you'll ever be," I growled. They were no longer the group we had met by chance on the highway on the way to the refugee center but the faces of everyone from my past who had ever tried to keep me away from the Dixons.

"You're right, I don't, but I had to make a call," Rick kept his voice incredibly calm for the volume of the situation, ignoring Shane's foul words. "I didn't know he had a family but even if he didn't it was inhumane of me."

Lori moved next to her husband, her eyes wild, pleading him to stay. "You're going back? You just got here! He's not worth one of your lives."

My blood was boiling and my vision red with anger as I lunged at Lori, my fist almost connecting with the side of her face, when an arm came around my waist and pulled me back. Shane held onto me and I fought against him until his grimy hands were off of me. "You want to protect your whore tell her to keep her mouth shut."

Lori's face paled but it was ignored as I heard the youngest Dixon calling my name out. If they thought I was going to be a problem they had another thing coming. Daryl's chest heaved as he sprinted out of the woods, his crossbow aimed and ready to take out whatever threat I was screaming about. "What's the matter?"

"Merle didn't come back from Atlanta."


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm not sure this came out like I wanted it to but I feel like if I keep editing I'll only lose more of the chapter. Let me know what you think!**

**Trigger warnings.**

Chapter 9

In the beginning, I had thought that this apocalyptic world would have brought new demons along with it but I was wrong. There were the same ones with new tricks. The circumstances may have changed but once again there was a cop keeping me away from my Dixon. Only difference was this time I had learned my lesson and nothing was going to stand in my way. I could unleash my temper, the rage that bubbled just beneath the surface, and not have to worry about the consequences.

"There's no easy way to say this so I'll just say it," Rick stood with one hand resting on his hip and the other pinching the bridge of his nose.

Daryl's eyes scanned me once more as if searching for any injuries before giving the new guy his full attention. "Who are you?"

"Rick Grimes."

"_Rick Grimes_," Daryl spat, a low growl almost escaping. "You got something you wanna tell me?"

Rick glanced to me but I kept my mouth shut. I wasn't about to sugar coat anything and if Rick was looking to me to soothe things over with Daryl he was sadly mistaken. "Your brother was a danger to us all. If I hadn't-"

"You cuffed him to the roof like a fucking animal!" I interrupted as Shane circled Daryl and me.

Shane snorted out a laugh, "He should have stayed here on his leash and this wouldn't have been a problem."

"Hold on," Daryl spoke up as he paced in the middle of the circle that had been formed around us. "Let me process this. You saying you handcuffed my brother to a roof and left him there?!" I could almost see the steam coming off his skin from the anger building inside of him.

Rick took a moment and I thought he might have chosen his words more carefully but he simply answered, "Yeah."

Daryl's eyes flashed to mine with a glare so strong it could have melted the doors of hell. A second later his fist connected with Rick's stomach doubling the man over before he swung again this time catching him in the jaw. Shane went to pull Daryl away but I stepped in front of him.

He gave me a look that reminded me so much of Rich that it made my skin crawl, "I'll tie your ass to a tree if you think about causing harm to anyone in this group."

Shane made a move towards me and I brandished the knife Daryl had given me when Merle had taken the gun away. "You're not a cop anymore and if you try and cuff me, so help me God, it will be the last thing you ever do."

"Enough!" Dale's voice boomed over the group and Rick spit blood out onto the ground as Daryl and I stood back to back not trusting anyone in the group. "This has gotten too out of hand. I know what a shock it must be to hear that someone you care about got left behind but there has to be a better way to settle this."

"Shut it, Jurassic Park," I snapped, the knife still in my hand ready to defend myself if I had to.

Daryl's wavering voice almost shattered my heart as he shouted, "Just tell me where he is so I can go get him!"

"I'm going back," Rick spoke up and Lori had her feathers rustled again.

She scoffed and crossed her arms, "So you, Daryl, and Becca? That's your big plan?"

As long as someone pointed us in the right direction I was ready to go into the city just with Daryl. Fuck the rest of these douchebags they were the ones who left Merle there in the first place. Rick looked over to Glenn and the Korean all but whined that he had to go back.

"Count me in," T-Dog added.

Daryl sneered as he gathered up his crossbow and headed toward the truck, "My day keeps getting better and better."

"You see anyone else stepping up to save your brother's cracker ass?" T-Dog questioned as he followed a few steps behind Daryl.

A full snarl escaped me as I rounded on T-Dog, "He shouldn't have to be saved in the first place!" He put his hands up to show he didn't want to fight about it and I growled in response.

While Rick was placating Lori and Carl I climbed into the truck and Daryl whipped his head around, raising an eyebrow at me. "The hell you think you're going?"

"Don't even start, you know damn well I ain't sitting here on my ass waiting for you to come back with him."

Daryl looked ready to argue but instead slammed his foot against the horn, "C'mon let's go!"

Glenn climbed in the driver's seat with Rick in the passenger seat while T-Dog joined us in the back, closing the door behind him and we were off to the city. Sitting there in the back of the box truck I felt sick to my stomach. I wanted, needed, to believe that Merle would be okay, that when we showed up he would be on the roof waiting for me, but everything that had happened in our lives was telling me otherwise. It was always two steps forward and one step back. I rested my head against the side of the truck and tried to concentrate on just breathing.

"He best be there," Daryl's words had me opening my eyes and T-Dog assured that he would be.

If Merle was truly gone I don't know what I would do. He was the one place I could call home, the only time I could completely let my guard down and be myself, but it was more than that- he gave me the ability to breathe.

"Hey officer, let me ask you a question."

Rick turned in his seat, "What's that?"

"If you didn't drop your precious bag of guns would you still be going back for Merle?" I had overheard him talking to Shane before we left and the question wouldn't leave me alone.

Daryl's gaze shifted to the officer, curious to his response as well, but he didn't miss a beat as he answered, "Of course."

**X-X-X**

The second the truck stopped I was on my feet, yanking the door open. I jumped out the back ready to take anything on but seeing the city so empty definitely made me pause for a second.

"Stay close," Daryl warned as Glenn led the way.

Fear was threatening to take over as we snuck through the side streets of the city following Glenn's lead. He would signal for us to hold up for a moment and then rush us to the next street where we would hide behind whatever we could. My gaze constantly shifted to Daryl to make sure I was supposed to be so freely trusting Glenn with his instructions but if Daryl was there I knew I'd be okay. He took out a few walkers that had gotten too close with his crossbow and we fell into an easy routine.

Four walkers lined the stairway and I was pushed to the back of the group as the men took them out. Once they made sure they wouldn't reanimate T-Dog brought the bolt cutters up to the chain. As soon as I heard it clang to the ground I weaved through them to get out the door.

Running out onto that rooftop, my heart pounding against my chest, a cry of relief escaped when I saw him. Merle was there, he was alive, and nothing else mattered. A slew of curse words tumbling out of his mouth had me paying closer attention to what he was doing and what I saw made my blood run cold.

***Flashback***

_When my mom passed away I didn't feel the loss or that ache that was supposed to be in your chest, I only felt numb. Relatives that hadn't even bothered to send a Christmas card once a year showed up to pay their respects. Josh came home from New York with some tart attached to his hip to make sure everything was the way he wanted it. Rich and Josh bonded instantly and when I tried to pour myself a glass of whiskey it was snatched out of my hands. The comments followed shortly after about turning into my mother and that if I wasn't careful I would end up with the same fate._

_I needed to get away so as soon as I could I snuck down to the creek to be alone. I sat with my back to one of the boulders with my feet just out of the water's reach. It had been years since I even thought about dragging the cool metal blade across my hell bound skin but now it was all I could think about. I needed to feel something, anything, and I needed to be able to control it. The blade felt feather light in my hand and for a brief moment I wondered how something so small, so insignificant, could hold all the answers. I ran the blade along the inside of my wrist, just one quick slice, and as the blood beaded on my skin a sense of calm washed over me. Swiping the blade through the cut once more the line of blood thickened to the point I could have painted my demons on my arm. The cut wasn't deep enough for me to bleed out, but enough to scar, and enough to allow me to feel the pain so I knew I was still alive._

"_Becca?" The voice was so angelic with a hint of something so masculine that I closed my eyes in hopes that I would hear it again. "Damn it, sugar, what did you do?" A sharp pain in my wrist had me opening my eyes to see Merle crouched beside me with a handkerchief over my wound._

"_I'm sorry, I had to."_

***Present***

His name fell from my lips as I jumped over one of the pipes to get to him. "Stop, Merle! Please!" I begged, trying to get the handsaw away from him.

I finally got it out of his grasp without causing any more damage and it clanked against the roof as I threw it to the side. Merle was delirious, carrying on a conversation that made no sense to what was going on around him, and I wasn't sure if it was from being out in the sun too long or if he was coming down from his high. His lips were cracked, split on the bottom from where he had received a hit, and his skin, beet red from the sun, was covered in a layer of dirt and sweat.

Sitting on his lap, I put my hands on either side of his face and kissed his sun dried lips. "I'm not a hallucination. I'm here, I'm real, and we're going to get you off this roof." I kissed him again this time more for my benefit than to keep him in the present. "You're safe now," I whispered in his ear.

Daryl took the bolt cutters from T-Dog and worked on the handcuffs as I kept Merle occupied so he wouldn't move. We were past second chances, hell we were past fifth chances, but yet again we were given another one and I wasn't going to let him out of my sight ever again.

I took a bottle of water out of Glenn's backpack and poured some over the gash before taking my bandana off my own wrist and securing it around his. "We'll have to clean it out when we get back to camp but this'll do for now." Rick and T-Dog were off to the side figuring out the best way to get to the bag of guns. Seeing Merle stumble a bit as he got to his feet there was no way I was letting him roam the streets with these assholes. "Do what you have to do but Daryl and I are going to take him back to the truck. He's been out in the sun long enough as it is."

Daryl was ready to help him down the stairs but Merle slapped his hand away as he leaned heavily on me. I nodded to Daryl to let him know I had Merle as long as he cleared the way. We each had our own scars we had to carry with us but it was an easier weight to carry when we were together.


	10. Chapter 10

**Last chapter, guys. Wanted to thank you all for the follows, favorites, and the reviews. This little one shot spun out of control but I hope you've enjoyed. I'm contemplating doing a sequel of sorts but it won't be until I finish up a couple other stories. If you're interested let me know!**

Chapter 10

It felt like an eternity that we sat in the box truck waiting for the guys to come back. Merle dozed off a few times and every time he did my eyes were locked on his chest, making sure it was rising and falling with every breath.

"Needs to hydrate and sleep," Daryl stated as he kept watch out the back of the truck, not even looking in my direction.

I nodded anyways but kept my gaze on Merle. I knew Daryl wouldn't lie to me, especially about the health of his brother, but there was this little voice in my head that kept feeding me the worst case scenarios. My gaze landed on my bandana that was secured around his wrist and a pain shot through my heart with such intensity it almost knocked me over.

"You alright?" Daryl questioned with his eyes squinted to see my face in the shadows of the truck.

I shook my head and rubbed the heel of my hand in circles on my chest to try to relieve the ache. "He was going to cut his hand off."

Daryl snorted, angling himself so he could keep watch for the others again. "Toughest son of a bitch I know."

"No," I whispered as I blinked back a few tears. "Just the loneliest."

It killed me to realize that Merle thought we wouldn't come for him. After everything and he still didn't trust anyone but himself. My thumb traced along the scar on my wrist and if Merle hadn't shown up that night who knows what would have happened. I was being swallowed up in the shadows of my own mind but he was the light guiding me back. It was my chance to return the favor and though I didn't know how to put all the pieces back together I sure as hell was going to try. Scooting closer to him, I rested my head against his shoulder and took advantage of him being asleep as I laced my fingers through his.

**X-X-X**

Two nights later and we were gathered around the truck while the rest of the camp was fast asleep. I was still worried that Merle wasn't one hundred percent but if I fawned over him anymore he was liable to snap me in half. He was on edge and if he didn't let some of the tension out soon he was going to be a force even I wouldn't be able to rein in.

"You know where you're supposed to go?" Merle asked for the millionth time that night.

I would have growled at him in response but opted for a sigh instead because we didn't have time for an argument. "Uh huh, going to hit the Peletier's tent and then the RV." He stared at me and I rolled my eyes before continuing. "I know what the fuck I'm doing Merle, ain't the first time we stole something together."

He got this far away look in his eyes as a smile pulled at the corner of his lips. "Good times, good times."

"You all going to gossip all night or are we going to do this?" Daryl questioned as he set his crossbow in the cab of the truck. I knew he wasn't exactly thrilled about this plan, and to be honest I wasn't either, but it was better than the alternative. Had Merle not been completely spent by the time we made it back to the quarry every single one of these mother fuckers would be dead.

"Every single bullet and not a can of food left behind, you hear?" Merle reminded the two of us and I sarcastically saluted him. He went to say something but Daryl had already slipped off toward the Korean's tent. I gave him a quick kiss and headed to the Peletier's tent before he could say anything else.

Leaves crunched under my boots and I cringed as I heard the youngest Dixon's voice in my head yelling at me for being so loud. As I got closer to the tent I could hear Ed's snores and thought for a minute about taking him out. It was no secret he had a heavy hand when it came to his wife. There were multiple ways of killing him that ran through my mind, the same ways I used to dream about doing to Rich but never had the guts to pull it off, but I also couldn't put little Sophia through the horrors of waking up to finding her old man dead. Carol's kind words and Sophia's triumphant smile when she finally hit the ball was what kept me from going into their tent. I could wrap my head around stealing from the douchebags that left the other half of my heart on the rooftop in Atlanta. I couldn't see taking from a little girl and her mother who already had a hard life and if Merle asked about it then I would just have to say they didn't have anything worth taking.

I scanned the camp searching for Merle or Daryl but they both must have been occupied because I couldn't locate them. Stepping away from the tent, I gave my silent goodbyes to the only ones who had made an attempt at being friendly since we had been there. We purposely waited for the night when Dale would be on watch because it meant inside the RV would be empty and lo and behold there he was perched up top with the binoculars handing around his neck. If I hadn't known any better I would have said he looked like some tourist.

Taking a deep breath, I climbed the metal ladder so that I could talk to him without having to be too loud and left my backpack at the bottom so he wouldn't see it. We really couldn't risk someone waking up right now or this whole thing could go south very quickly. "Hey, Dale."

"Rebecca," he nodded in greeting with a warm smile on his face though I didn't miss the surprise that flashed through his eyes. "Is everything okay?"

I forced myself not to cringe at his use of my full name and cleared my throat, "Yeah, I'm good. Was actually wondering if I could use the bathroom. Don't really like to wander too far at night and Merle would have my head if he found out I went into the woods without him. I won't be long and I have my own tissue and everything."

I realized I was rambling when he started to chuckle and I was thankful it was dark so he couldn't see my cheeks flush in embarrassment. "Of course you can, dear."

I thanked him and climbed back down the ladder before my mouth could get me in trouble. I don't know why this had been easier before the world turned on upside down. The door creaked a bit as I walked in and I jumped as it slammed behind me on its own. Shit it would have been easier if Jurassic Park wasn't directly above me but if I didn't hurry up Merle would come looking for me and that wouldn't end well either. I had never been inside the RV before so I wasn't exactly sure what he had or where to look but I started with the cabinets, tossing a few cans of beans and some crackers I'm sure were stale into my bag. I passed up taking the silverware and realized that I had told Dale I was using the bathroom. Frantically scanning the RV for anything else that we could use, my eyes landed on the small closet that I would have missed if I wasn't looking for it. It didn't have much in it, a few jackets that hadn't been worn in years, but there was a small box that was hidden behind it all. I almost expected it to be some mementos from his wife but was surprised to see a handgun. Maybe my swoop through the camp would be successful after all.

I slid it into the back of my jeans and fixed my shirt to make sure it was covered before tossing my bag over my shoulder. The door creaked again as I exited and Dale leaned over the edge wishing me a good night. Daryl was already sitting in the driver's seat of the truck when I got back and I tossed my bag into the bed next to Merle's bike before climbing in. Merle was a few minutes behind us and as soon as his door closed Daryl pulled out of the quarry.

"Almost wish I could see their faces in the morning," Merle smirked, throwing his arm across the back of the seat.

"I'd be happy if I never saw them again," I mumbled, sitting between the two Dixons. Anger started to build inside of me again for what they had the audacity to do but I wouldn't let it consume me. I had my Dixons, we had supplies, and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that we wouldn't survive. "Oh," I remembered the gun I had stuck in the small of my back and sat forward so I could show off my find. "I also got this off Jurassic Park."

Daryl shifted in his seat as Merle snatched it out of my hand, "Jesus, woman, did you even check to see if the safety was on?"

"Oh, have some faith in me," I crossed my arms with a huff but he wouldn't stop staring at me like I was a damn idiot as he clicked the safety on and stuck it in the glove box. "Alright, no. I didn't check it."

"Would have been a damn shame if you shot your ass off."

I mocked his words and leaned into his side as the truck rumbled down the dirt road. "Any idea where we are going?"

"Away from the city," Daryl answered, his eyes flickering to the rearview mirror out of habit.

**X-X-X**

Daryl had argued the fact that we should conserve the fuel that we had but I sided with Merle on this one. It was more than Merle just being a pain in the ass, when he was riding it was the only time he could escape from the world around him. Daryl had the woods, Merle had his bike, and well, I had Merle.

It had felt like a different lifetime ago since I had been on the motorcycle with him but riding behind him made me forget the dangers this world brought with it. I let my hands slide up the front of his shirt because holding on wasn't enough I needed to feel him, know that this wasn't some dream but that he was really there with me. He squeezed my knee and I rested my head against his back as Daryl followed us in the truck.

I didn't know what the road ahead had in store for us but when things got rough I knew we would always be able to take it out on one another.


End file.
